Friday, April 13th
*side note: I finally put
iTunes and all of my music on my dying little netbook, and iTunes shuffle is,
as always, making me happier than a normal bowel movement. So, after I
rediscover my love of Janis Joplin and Rascal Flatts what plays?
Jukebox Hero, Foreigner.
Epic.
So what do I do? Well,
obviously my first reaction is to make a fist, purse my lips, nod my head and
pump said fist. Duuuh. What’s the second thing I want to do? I want to text
Mallory Hick, and every other Alma friend from c/o 2008 who attended every
Kareoke night at the B-heart… then I remember I’m in South Africa, so I just
yell out every lyric and keep that fist-a-pumpin.
*side side note: that reminds me of sometimes the littlest things
can make me miss home so so so much but at the same time not want to leave.
Hhmm..
A lot a lot has happened since I first
found out I was moving sites. I won’t try and get into the nitty gritty of where
I have been, what I have been doing, or god forbid…my feelings, but I can say
with confidence I feel great. I can also say I cannot flippin believe that it
is April, it is exciting (the weather is not f’n hot, just hot) but also
surreal and scary.
If the universe forced me to one thing
since December, it would be reflect. I like to think I usually do an okay
amount of self-reflection, but apparently it was my time to do some seriously
thinking. The universe slapped me across the face AND in the baby maker and
made me doubt the one thing I’ve ‘just always wanted to do’, Peace Corps. I did
not question the organization as a whole, but I questions PCSA (Peace Corps
South Africa) and I questioned myself. I have wanted to do this since the first
billboard I saw in high school, and I went through a lot of crap (3 years, but
who was counting?) to get placed. I was confident that I was PC material. I
didn’t really know what that meant, but I knew I was. Theeeeeen I failed. I
didn’t walk into a small village knowing the language and save the world of HIV
and poverty. Shame. I was lonely, sick, hated my organization, confused, and watched
a lot of movies. Womp womp, I know, poor me. But not really. Tables turned, at
first for the worst. I cried. I cried on the phone, for heaven’s sake (to my
mom, my sisters, brother, dad, PC friends, shit- I could barely keep myself
together for my niece-she’s 2!) never a high moment in anyone’s life.
Anyway, I didn’t start this blog entry to
re-hash my low points. I decided to write because I saw a really beautiful Gogo
(old lady) with a baby on her back passing by a group of goats that got chased
away by a giant pig. I was lost, sort of, greeting people on my way back from
work. I knew the general direction of my new house from my new organization and
figured I’d find it after I decided to take a ‘new route’. I was enjoying the
atmosphere, greeting friendly people that are getting used to seeing a new
face. I even greeted a goat, seriously, I guess I’m just so used to greeting
everyone. As I looked around and saw the dead cow hanging from a tree I
wondered whether someone was getting married or someone died. The Gogo doing
laundry shouted at me asking ‘O kea Kerabo’ (meaning she was asking where the
previous PCV was), I responded, and kept walking. I noticed a lot of work was being done to a
tuck shop, so this funeral/wedding must be a big deal. Maybe ill go on
Saturday, maybe I’ll sleep in. I kept walking. Then the Gogo, goats, and pigs.
I laugh, greet more, and keep walking in the general direction of my new home. I
feel good. I have pit stains and dirt all up in my Birks, but it feels right.
This is my PC experience; as per usual I’m just a little lagging when it comes
to my timing. I’m just getting started late. Dancing to the beat of my own
drum.
I am not entirely sure what it was, maybe
it was the project manager at my new org being excited about my project ideas,
the friendly faces greeting me, pigs, kids screaming my name as I get close to
my new home, the fact that the sky looks so close I could touch it, or a year
of shit, gone- but I realize life is great. A change in perspective was not
just the Gogo’s and goats, it was everything. It was both conscious and
unconscious. If I were to still be at my last site, I would be fine- I would
consciously make it work. Things wouldn’t be great, but it’d be fine. Actually,
when I first discovered I had to move I wanted to try and stay, I think as a
self defence mechanism I never actually processed how crap it was until I was
able to step away. The universe gave me a second shot at this PC thing, and I
won’t let it go to waste. I cannot say I have regained all of the confidence I
had before, that I was born for this- but I think it’s better. I have something
to prove, to myself. This is harder than I expected, and what is hardest about
it are the things I did not anticipate. I am also gaining more than I imagined
from this, creating a sort of guilt complex of “I came here to help and really am
gaining more (thanks tax payers) more than I am giving.”
This is my normal. I walk 2.5 K to get to
work, I hop across a stream, I talk to literally everyone, I see animals, and I
love it. Everything seems very normal to me now, but ‘normal’ is so different
for everyone. I enjoy that my ‘normal’ is this, that my normal is always
different. I couldn’t remember a walk this happy in a year, a feeling that my
ordinary is actually extraordinary.
